(This is that essay I talked about. Copy-pasted in its entirety.)

As I transition from high school to college, I’ve done some thinking about how I best learn. After all, so I’m told, college is where students are challenged to pace themselves, the bulk of the work being done outside the classroom. This in and of itself doesn’t bother me; I can time-manage and slog through mountains of homework with the best of ‘em. No, what bothered me is this: if I don’t know my own strengths, then I can’t play to them to save time or shore up my own weaknesses.

After some experimentation, I could conclusively point out things that are not my strengths. I’m impatient; I’m set in my ways; I can’t focus on future plans; I have limited people skills; I underestimate the value of others; I can’t think fast, or strategically; I can’t visualize shapes clearly; I don’t have an ear for music. I was told I think too poorly of myself, that I can improve on any of these things with time, that professionals have dedicated years of their life towards learning something I can’t possibly hope to understand in one week. I had a hard time swallowing this. It seemed like shifting the blame, which is pretty shifty if you ask me.

As an example, the other day, I tried to play the piano. It’s just notes on a page, those are easy to read, I thought. Individually, yes, after a good ten seconds of counting up or down from middle C. Then came the unanticipated challenge of getting my fingers to press the right notes without looking. Then came stringing all that together at a reasonable pace. I pressed through for a bit longer, learning to play a few bars, but then I got discouraged by lack of immediate progress. It was just another frustrating riff on other unfamiliar subjects I’d tried before, like art, Tetris, and basketball.

So, what was I comfortable with, able to do quickly and without a second thought? Programming comes to mind. What’s so special that makes me suited for it? Broad information synthesis? A keen eye for details? A knack for language of any sort? Raw experience curated by years of specialization? If it’s the last of the bunch, I feel cheated. I want to get good at a lot of things, and yet the only path towards that goal is time? What a ripoff. Time is precious. It doesn’t seem physically possible, let alone desirable, to spend every waking hour working towards one goal after another.

As I thought these things, I confided in a friend. He told me this: your perspective is totally off. First, you need to stop comparing yourself to others; it’s unhealthy. Then, you need to slap yourself in the face, tell yourself you are good enough, and stick to whatever constructive practice regimen is necessary. You will get better. You might not ever reach your goal, but you will get better, which is what matters. I was shook, for lack of a better word. Logically speaking, it makes sense that good artists, musicians, public speakers, and sports players spend years perfecting their craft, years which I don’t have under my belt. And yet some notion possessed me to think I could get the same results, only better and more quickly, simply because I could understand what they were doing, not ever really how.

Being relieved of that thought train was sobering. It did nothing to lessen the frustration I felt when I couldn’t draw a precise curved line, couldn’t beat my friend at Tetris, or couldn’t put that darn large orange ball in the darn red hoop. Instead of submitting, though, I now know what to do: keep going. I’m still at a loss for how to play to my strengths. But by some miracle of hard work I made it through high school, and gosh darn it, I’ll work my butt off to keep improving through college and life as well. In my opinion, that’s what being human is all about.