Title says it. I’m beat. Exhausted. Feelin’ it.

I know exactly why I feel like this: I am overworked. My week is roughly 65 (!!) hours, which leaves no time to take a break ever. My classes are already tough, and then I have tutoring and Aerospace on top of that.

Nothing is hard by itself, it’s just a lot. All of it. The problem is I really would enjoy doing any of it. I love all the topics I’m taking this semester, I like tutoring, Aerospace is fun to do AI research, it’s all really good stuff. And yet, I literally do not have time to do it all.

Mistakes were made

The bigest mistake was made back last spring, when I signed up for all this stuff.

I was just barely keeping my head above water for a few weeks now, and I finally had a major slip on Wednesday when I forgot to turn in a written assignement for 15-213. Fortunately, I will be able to drop the two lowest homeworks (both of which were created by this mistake), but I really dread this happening again. It totally could, if not in this class, then some other class.

I’m asking myself to do the improbable here, trying to stay on top of all these responsibilities at once, but I still beat myself up over things like this. Thursday, when I was still blisfully unaware of the slip-up, I had a little bit of time to do art and relax, for like 1 hour, and I was happy. For once in a very long week I actually felt good about myself. Then came this morning when I realized my mistake.

The stress is getting to me

What right do I have to complain about stress? I have a loving family, good grades, steady access to food, friends that would listen to me if I told them about this, paying jobs that would easily hire me full-time if they could, so why am I so down?

And yet I know this is the typical thought process of someone who is depressed, but I refuse to call myself that because “other people must have it worse and I’m just a big baby.”

I can’t let this affect my work

I’m scared of falling behind again. I care too much about all of the things I’m doing to let any go. I’m trying to catch what little time I have and it just runs through my fingers.

Tonight I am going to go to bed early. I don’t want to think about this anymore. Writing this post didn’t help and made me only more frustrated and potentially even more exhausted from stress later. I can only do so much and I’ve done enough for now.